I'm not the kind of the person who dreamt about the big wedding or the huge house or the expensive car. In those sorts of things, I just took things as they came and always just wanted to be happy. The one thing that I had always imagined for myself, though, was to be married to a great guy, live in a nice place with 2children and no pets, of course. Just your regular yuppie couple with the yuppie kids.
I always imagined 2 because I always wanted them to have each other. Just as I am with my sisters, they would never be alone in the world and would be best friends for life.
It's funny how life throws you for a loop. So, here we are, 45 years old, 46 this year, one year has passed since we got Keira and we are now able to apply to adopt for another child again, according to the Norwegian law.
What should we do? Shall we go for another one?
With a full time job and days which seem to end to quickly, I see how much time, patience and energy it takes to raise a child. I'm still young...well, at least I feel young, but I get worried that I won't be feeling this way all the time. How will I be in my 50's? God, I even hate saying that word, "fify." It's a ways away, but sometimes it feels like it's just right around the corner.
Let's say we apply. By the time we finish our paper work, probably about 3-4 months of this year has gone by. The wait in China for a child is approximately 4 years, which puts us close to 50.
Is it fair to have a child when you're 50 years old? Am I going to be too tired? Am I going to have enough patience? Will I be too old? Just enunciating the word "fifty" makes me feel like a grandparent already and I've just embarked on the road of parenthood.
I wish that we had started our family earlier then we maybe we wouldn't be in this predicament. I mean, really, why did I think that I had all the time in the world "once upon a time"? Why did I think that I wasn't going to get older back then?
We have waffled about this back and forth. When we realized that it would take 4 years to wait for a child, we said last night that we wouldn't go for it. Am I going to regret this 5 years from now? Will Keira be sad that she doesn't have a brother or sister? Are we being selfish for not giving that to her? Or, are we doing the right thing by her for not having another child?
I wish that I was 5 years younger. I wish that time would stop. I wish that we could start over.
Hi!
ReplyDeleteI get quite emotional when I read your blogpost, because I have been there myself, and I really know what a difficult decision this is. Of course we were able to get Felix because we were already logged in and so on,and I haven't regretted the choice we made one second, but my, sometimes it is a challenge! I will be 48 this year and I am too old.....at least sometimes:) I'm thinking: when do I get to stop dyeing my hair,? for crying out loud!! It was the sibling-issue that made up my mind, but it is difficult to remember that when sibling-rivalry is ruling the ground! Anyway, when we're in this situation, we get to (have to) make decisions that other people are blissfully ignorant about. I am sure that some are dying to ask us why we chose to adopt a child that is developmentally delayed, thankfully they don't. I am not sure I can answer. It just felt right to us. Even if we had no idea of what the situation would be. We still don't, by the way. How he will grow and develop is for the future to show. But we get so much help.
I didn't really mean to ramble on about me, sorry!
I am sure you will be happy with your choice, life is too short for regrets.
Tone
Tone, thank you for your comments. You are not rambling too much. By telling me your story, then I feel like I'm not alone in this. It would have been even better if you told me what to do! :) You are right. Life is too short for regrets...but, that doesn't mean I don't feel guilty about things. Right now, I still think about it often and go back and forth. And, the more I just "think" about it, I feel the days just slipping by and I feel more guilty. You're right, I have to make peace with the joice and be happy with it. I just haven't been able to do that yet.
ReplyDeleteI am definitely not going to tell you what to do!!:) The SN route could be shorter, but I guess you are well aware of that and have taken that into consideration. I do know that some of the couples we travelled with are going to adopt again and that Inoradopt do it "the American Way"which means that you lock a child from their list and then do all the paperwork. But since Keira is so young there will be fewer to choose from anyway.
ReplyDeleteTone
Inordadopt? We've never heard of that before. I was on their website and see that they are a private adoption agency, much like Adopsjonsforum, I guess? But,I didn't see any reference to "the American way" of adoption. Do you have any more information?
ReplyDeleteSorry if I was a bit vague, but I was referring to the SN-adoptions. I am sure you know that in Adopsjonsforum they put a list out and you have to apply and then wait to be selected by Faglig utvalg, but you need to have a LID. I think they do it differently with Inoradopt. They do the 48-hour list thing and you can lock a child if you are approved by the authorities, but yoy don't need a LId yet. This is just what I heard because Oddny and Victor changed to that agency. So I guess you could ask them or just phone up Inoradopt. Hope I did'n confuse you too much there.
ReplyDeleteTone