The Rules

Daycare. What a big thorn in my side. This is where she will get used to another caregiver. Someone else besides me who is going to be there for her when she falls or give hug her when she's sad. Someone else who is going to get to pick her up and make her feel better. Don't get me wrong, I do want her to make a bond with her caregiver, but then I also question how this is going to affect her attachment with me or with us, for that matter.

So, here's the ground rules that we are going to stick by as we are integrating our little one into day care. We will live and die by these so that Keira feels loved, whether we are together or apart.

1. We eliminate all separation from Keira except for the time spent in day care. We sleep together. We don't leave her with anyone.

2. We do lots of atttachment parenting stuff, every day. Giggles and stories when she comes home. Lots of kisses and eye contact at night. Wrestling, tickling, giggling. Hair fixing, lotion rubbing, shoe lace tying are all opportunities for eye contact and attunement. Videos are watched with my kid in my lap.

3. Day care is not optional or non-compulsory. Some days I don't like to go to work, and you don't like to go to school. It happens, but we go.

4. I never speak of going to day care in terms of punishment. It's neutral. A fact. Sure, we'd all rather be together all of the day everyday. But this is how our family works.

5. I try to keep our morning routine and with low stress. Find and set out everything the night before. We have to be out the door by a certain time; there's major potential for yelling and disconnect if things go awry and I'm concerned about being late for work. Nobody needs that anxiety.

6. We remain neutral when dropping off. Pleasant and matter of fact. Goodbye honey (hug), I love you (kiss), have fun. I'll see you later. If you're too upbeat, too much on the sell, kids sense an ambush.

7. Either Per or I always pick up the little one ourselves. We will not ask others to pick her up for us.

8. I try to avoid all activities (even running errands) after day care. She's had enough stimulation for the day. We only have a couple of hours before she goes to bed and we want to make the best of the time that we have. We don't meet family or friends for dinner or fun on school nights. It's way too disruptive and tiring for all of us. When kids are tired, they're more apt to feel anxious and unsafe; we have to maintain optimal emotional health by staying rested and grounded. There will be years in the future for entertainment, stimulation and going out into the world. At this point our family is still connecting and it is best done at home.

9. I keep to the same routine every evening. We get home and I feed her a good/ healthy meal as quickly and simply as possible. I really try to keep it friendly, pleasant and loving. I don't waste our brief time together prepping big meals or doing chores. When she's older and ca help, we'll do these things together.

10. I keep in contact with the teachers. I am respectful of the teacher in fron of the child. I am pleasant and demonstrate my friendship with the teachers to Keira. We laugh and talk a bit about her acocmplishments. All serious issues will be done by phone or out of the child's earshot.